It was rare that Jaina found herself in so much trouble with her superiors that she felt ill, but as soon as she got out of her X-wing she knew how badly she'd screwed up. It had become pretty clear through the mission that the Vong were definitely done trying to kill her, and more interested in taking her alive again, and they'd very nearly managed it. She'd sent the rest of Twin Suns on, but had been unable to drive the Vong off until Jag decided to do that for her. Rather than obeying orders direct from Wedge and leaving Jag behind, she'd insisted on trying to save him, suicidal as that should have been. If it hadn't been for Kyp disobeying her order, along with his flying and Force use, she would have gotten them all killed.

Wedge didn't come himself, but he did send Tycho Celchu down to greet them when they arrived. "Anyone hurt?" he asked, looking over the trio.

They all shook their heads, but Tycho's gaze settled on the very exhausted Kyp, telling him, "You, go lie down."

"Happy to," Kyp replied, but looked to Jaina before budging. "By your leave, Great One."

"Get some rest, Kyp," Jaina told him.

As Kyp headed off, Tycho turned his attention on Jaina. "General Antilles wants to see you, now."

She managed not to wince. She wanted to, but she had to take her completely rightful disciplinary action like a big girl. "I expect so."

Despite Tycho telling Jag that he wasn't needed yet, he went with Jaina to wait outside Wedge's office in the biotics building. They were told they had about five minutes, at which point Jag looked at her and said, "I need to talk to you. Privately."

Oh, that couldn't be good. "There's a little conference room down the corridor," she said.

"That'll do."

Jaina led him to the room, trying to ignore the sick feeling she'd had since landing that just kept getting worse and worse. She knew what he was going to say. She'd been reckless and irresponsible, she'd risked the whole mission on one person, she'd ignored direct orders, she was a horrible leader and he had no place following someone that stupid. Then he'd leave, and she'd have broken up the team. She'd have lost the respect of one of the people she found she counted on the most, and everything they'd worked for here would seem like starting over.

Worse, she had no idea what everyone else must have thought, but it was probably along those same lines. She'd exhibited the same sort of behavior she had at Myrkr, giving up on the mission for one person, and the two months she'd just spent trying so hard to get everyone's trust back wouldn't even matter. And with Kyp and Jag, they'd stuck by her since Hapes, even through her time back in Fandom, and the thought of either one of them giving up on her was something she didn't know that she could handle.

When she heard the door slide shut, she started off with, "I know what you're going to say."

"I don't think you do," he said slowly.

"You're going to tell me that I screwed up. You're going to elaborate until you're certain I can't take it anymore. Then you're going to leave."

"No. We both know that your command decisions were far afield of common sense and effective strategy. We don't even have to discuss that," Jag said, and despite his words he looked more puzzled than anything. "What I want to know... What I have to know is is: Why did you do it?"

Because she couldn't not. Because she was tired of her friends dying. Because she was tired of having to leave them behind. Because there were no circumstances under which she would want anyone to die for her. Because she could never willingly leave someone to die if she ever had the chance to save them. Because for whatever reason, she'd simply felt that she had to. But what she said was, "I don't know."

"You do know. You have to know. Nobody but you could know," he said, stepping closer.

In the past few months Jaina had learned how much she hated being pushed, and how much she'd steel herself against it. She didn't really have it in her to do so right now. Right now she was all barely-controlled internal panic, which was what she would blame for the fact that she was fighting off tears. "Everyone keeps going away," she explained, hating the waver in her voice, and the fact that she sounded about seven. She especially hated that she was saying it honestly despite all the time and effort she'd put into ignoring people and relationships for their own good. "Everyone keeps going away and I can't stop it. I didn't want you to go away."

When she blinked her vision clear, she was surprised that he still looked so confused. "I won't go anywhere," he told her.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to."

She looked at him in returned confusion, and if it hadn't been for Ben's talk of her future alternate reality indecision, it probably still wouldn't have clicked. Jaina had always thought that Jag hadn't been interested in her, being an Imperial baron's son and all, but now she was realizing that she may have been a little bit wrong on that count. There was nothing huge that caused her to have the revelation, she just finally began to understand some of their encounters, and why he looked and sounded the way he did right now.

So her heart sank a little further when she said quietly, "I have a boyfriend." If her stupidity hadn't driven him away, this would, and even if she wasn't interested in him like that, it didn't change anything she'd said. In fact, she felt worse about it now. She wondered if she'd ever said or done anything that might have led him on, and could have beaten her head against the wall when she realzed that yes, she probably had without intending to.

There was a pause before Jag replied, "I'd gathered," looking a little sheepish. Maybe when guys such as John got glarey and snippy at you, it served as some universal male sign. Jaina really didn't know.

Feeling more awkward than anything now, she wiped at her eyes, calming herself and hoping that he'd say something, or Vong would attack, anything to break the silence.

"Why don't you head back to your quarters," he said, voice still quiet.

"I have to meet with Wedge-"

"I'll handle that," Jag assured her.

She'd blame it on the fact that she couldn't let Wedge see her potentially become a huge mess after what she'd pulled today, and the fact that she was still in shock from whatever had just happened here. She nodded, trusting that he wouldn't take her reaction as a reason to badmouth her to her boss, and opened the door again to leave.


[NFB, NFI, OOC okay. Most of the dialogue taken from Rebel Dream by Aaron Allston BUT I KINDA HAD TO CHANGE A THING.]