solo_sword | RAF Mildenhall, UK- Saturday Fandom time

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RAF Mildenhall, UK- Saturday Fandom time

To say that things were complicated right now was to put it lightly. John's time still moved at the rate of one month per Fandom day, which meant Jaina was back to living on two timelines in order to make things work. Every day now she was taking a portal back there from Fandom, spend however long with him, and then return to the same day that she'd left. Would it drive her crazy eventually? Uh huh. But she definitely thought it was worth a little bit of what sanity she had left, and surprisingly, she was really enjoying figuring things out. How often did you get to remind yourself from the beginning why you fell in love with someone?

And since, no, seriously, the base was in the middle of nowhere, England, this left really only two options of entertainment: talking, or something that really had nothing to do with talking at all. So while cleaning up after dinner, Jaina decided which of those options she was going for tonight. "Can I ask a question?"

[For that guy from that thing.]

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"That's not what I'm trying to say," jaina said, biting her lip as she tried to figure out how to phrase this. "When I called that day, I honestly thought I'd leave a voicemail and never hear from you again because we couldn't be just friends, and I'd accepted that. It's been like I've been zig zagging from one extreme of emotions to another in a really short span of time, and I want to be here. I love what we're doing right now. But at the same time, I only know bits and pieces of what happened, and it was big changes in like no time at all for me. So I'm actually doubting myself here, and comparing myself to the woman you married and wondering if I measure up. Which I know is ridiculous because I've met her."

"Jaina," he sighed, setting his drink by the sink and moving to put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Tell me what I can do to get you to believe that you're the only woman I want."

The fact that he still hadn't outright said "I love you" was kind of getting to her, but she'd meant what she'd said and knew he'd say it when he was ready. And she wasn't nearly needy enough to have to ask for confirmation that she was better than someone he'd divorced. "I don't know," she sighed. "I'm just trying to understand here, because I know this is all stuff I'm doing to myself."

John had a strange thought and wondered if this wasn't his fault in a way. "Is this because she left me?"

"No," she said immediately, shaking her head. "It's because I'm wondering what she had that I didn't."

John figured Jaina didn't mean fake boobs, even if it was true. "She was there," he said like it was an apology.

Clearly, she hadn't been expecting that answer. "That's it?"

She obviously had an idea of what she wanted to hear. "What did you think the answer would be?"

~~Fake boobs.~~ "Qualities she has that I don't. Maybe she's- somehow- less of a bitch, or better in bed, or there's less drama you'd want to put up with forever."

"You remember Nancy, right?" John replied, raising an eyebrow. "I think dramatic and bitchy go hand in glove there. And I'm not touching the bed thing with a ten foot pole."

"I don't want you to answer that one anyway," Jaina said quickly. She completely assumed she'd lose there. She had a feeling Nancy had been a whore. "Did you love her?" She'd asked that before, and taken his silence to mean that he just didn't want to tell her. Now she had whole new reasons to wonder.

His silence had been a bit of shame. "I thought I did, and I wanted to, but not like she deserved."

Okay, so he was still ashamed of that by virtue of how he had to step away and not look at her. John didn't know how he'd become that guy, but he had and it wasn't something he was proud of.

She stepped closer again, sliding a hand against his waist. While it was a relief for her personally, she couldn't help but feel bad for how the whole situation had gone. "You can't help how you feel," she said. "Or don't feel. It just happens."

"Yeah, well, did you think maybe I'm the common thread in relationships that don't work out?" He might have his very own issues.

"What happened with us was definitely not your doing," Jaina said. "That was time kriffing with us, and I don't think either of us was ready to deal with it then."

"Yeah, but it was my time that screwed with us," he pointed out. "I should've ditched out years ago. Might've saved you some hassle now." He could be a bum working at the bar in Fandom, doing nothing with his life so easily.

"John. You are not responsible for time," she said, sliding her arm more solidly around him. "You had to live your life. And I wanted you to, or I'd have asked you to ditch out with me."

"Hey, I could be," he said, returning her embrace. "And I don't regret it, I just realize that I missed some chances."

Hearing that actually somehow made her feel better. Like even though they'd both obviously developed some real issues, if he could say that he didn't regret it and mean it, then it was maybe worth it just based on that. "And maybe some chances you didn't miss entirely," she pointed out, holding him tighter.

"That's right," he agreed. "So, did that answer your question?" It was sort of circuitous conversation, there.

"Yeah," she replied. It was so weird to think that talking things through not only wasn't the end of the world, but helped. "Thanks for bearing with me."

"I do what I can," he teased. "I'd have given you a visual history of the last two years, but Nancy took everything."

"That's okay, it probably has her taint on all of it anyway," she teased back. "You're better off starting fresh."

"I'm not much for pictures anyhow," he said with a wink. Of course, he still had all the ones that used to adorn the wall of his room in college. They were carefully tucked away in storage back in the states.

"Maybe I should get some new ones while I'm here," she said with a little smile. "Prove to the people back in Fandom you have hair again."

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